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'I'm so embarrassed, I can’t do that', were my first reactions to self catheterisation. At the time I didn’t know what was worse: leaking, flooding or retention.
My bladder was controlling me, and I did not like it one bit. I had gone from being a confident, independent working wife and mother to this stranger. Who was she? I certainly didn’t know, and neither did Eric my husband or Margaret my daughter.
Gone was the always-smiling happy person who was in control of her life, to become what? An isolated reject, someone who had lost confidence, self-esteem and dignity and to top it all off, due to other disabilities, I had to give up work.
So, there I was totally useless, no salary only sickness benefit, what a shock to the pocket. I was in so much despair, everything was attacking me at once. I couldn’t go out, I didn’t want to go out, it was to much of an effort, and what if I wet myself? I just couldn’t cope. Many of you reading this today will recognise and understand these feelings.
But, there is hope. Along came self catheterisation. After my initial disgust and embarrassment I have never looked back.
After much encouragement from my Continence Advisor and my Consultant Urologist, I have overcome my initial fears and I do like my body again, having regained my confidence and self-esteem. Now I control my bladder, it doesn’t control me. Freedom at last!
At first I found catheterisation very difficult, fiddly and fumbly, but after a few goes and getting your fingers wet you soon find you are in the right place. The benefits are wonderful, I once again feel feminine, sexually attractive and I no longer have to wear unflattering knickers, big bulky pads and baggy clothes.
I now wear nice underwear and flattering clothes I couldn’t wear before, as I had to have easy access to my knickers to change my pads. I feel clean and no longer have irritating sores that can be caused by using pads constantly. I no longer have to think, 'Do I smell of stale urine?' and the risk of having a urine infection has decreased dramatically.
I use LoFric catheters, which are slippery and protect my body from trauma, and throw them away after use. At times, when I have a really bad 'wet day', I also use a small discreet pad to give me security and confidence that enables me to go out, and ensures I don’t have any wet patches showing.
Going on holiday is now a real pleasure, no more big suitcases full of pads to carry around. Although the extra case comes in handy for bringing home holiday goodies, like duty frees which you don’t seem to mind carrying!
I now have a much better quality of life, freedom and more confidence than ever before. So much in fact that in April 1997 I started a local Incontact Support Group, for people like me, their families and carers.
We now have a membership of 36 people from 10 years old to over 80 years old and the support from the doctors, nurses and consultants has been wonderful. Our meetings are once a month and we always have a medical representative attending to give support and answer any questions we may have.
As you can see, with a positive attitude and encouragement to carry on, you can control your bladder, not have your bladder control you.
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